Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
