All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
