i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
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I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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