We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
