Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
