okay pat passed out under dana's car
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
