In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
well you can't waste a boner
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
