but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
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And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
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As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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