Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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