Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You were trust falling into bushes
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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