I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
