Dual....:-)
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
