YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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