Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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