I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
