look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
