i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
