do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
