the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
