It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
