I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
