Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
