I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
