i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
