I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
