I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
