he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
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she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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