how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
