I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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