i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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