no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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