It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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