she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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