I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
