Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Will exercising make me less horny?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
