woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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