well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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