i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
