i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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