i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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