Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
