I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
