The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My Sexting was not on an AP level
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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