your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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