after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
