apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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