Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm so fucking centered right now
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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