last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
