3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
