i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
