She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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