Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
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You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize