hotel room ftw
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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