Well apparently he's into motor boating.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
