Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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