whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
