I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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