this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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