Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
