Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize