Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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