Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
