I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
