I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
