he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
