Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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