So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
