Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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