4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize