After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
